Reader's Digest

Because I mentioned Reader's Digest in the previous post, I decided to check out the joke section of their website and came across this little gem. Hope it makes you laugh.

Lisp

The boss placed a sign directly over the sink in the men's room at work. It had a single word on it: "Think!"
The next day when the boss went to the men's room, he saw another sign had been placed immediately above the soap dispenser. It read: "Thoap!"

Laughter, the Best Medicine

I think I stole my post title from Reader's Digest. I loved reading the real life stories humor section in that magazine.

As I have been perusing the moho blogs, a common theme among too many of them is a lack of humor. Personally, I enjoy finding humor in seemingly uneventul situations and conversations. I take a lot of pride in being aware of the awkward moments that I observe and am a part of so that I can relay those stories to my friends and cheer up someone's day. I was talking with a wonderful friend of mine tonight and was reminded of one of these awkward moments.

Back in the day, when I was completely and totally in the closet, my one and only openly gay friend asked me to go to the club where he danced (half-naked). He knew I was more than a little frieked out. When we walked in, he started introducing me to everyone by saying, "Hey guys, this is my friend, he's straight and he's mormon so hands off." So I was known as the straight mormon for the rest of the night and no guys hit on me. However, for any of you that have ever been to the gay clubs, you have probably noticed that are at least several, if not many, straight women. One of these poor girls obviously had way too many gay friends and was a bit starved for a straight man's attention. She walked right up to me and said, "Hey, you're straight right? You wanna see my boobs?" as she gripped the bottom of her shirt ready to rip off her clothing. I was more than a little shocked and all I could manage to say was, "Um, no thank you?"

Ha! If only the straight guys knew what they could get at the gay clubs, they wouldn't be so homophobic.

Conference Quotes

I downloaded all the conference talks from the October 2008 General Conference onto my iPod. I have been listening to them on the way to work in the mornings. I just thought I would share a few of the quotes that I really enjoyed.


From You Know Enough by Elder Neil L. Anderson (one of my favorites so far...read the whole thing if you get a chance!!)

"Our spiritual journey is the process of a lifetime. We do not know everything in the beginning or even along the way. Our conversion comes step-by-step, line upon line. We first build a foundation of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. We treasure the principles and ordinances of repentance, baptism, and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. We include a continuing commitment to prayer, a willingness to be obedient, and an ongoing witness of the Book of Mormon."

"At times, the Lord’s answer will be, 'You don’t know everything, but you know enough'—enough to keep the commandments and to do what is right."

"Fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time. In our days of difficulty, we choose the road of faith."


From The Infinite Power of Hope by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us."


From Come What May, and Love It by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

“[C]ome what may, and love it.”

"[L]earn to laugh."

"The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him.”


That's all for now. I'll post more once I have listened to a few more talks.

Women--Blegh!!

I have had a nice little streak of women who have developed crushes on me, who, bless their hearts, just can't figure out why I don't return their affection. So, I am developing a list of the top excuses given as to why a closet-case moho won't pursue a relationship.

1. I'm not really looking for a relationship right now.
2. She's too good for me.
3. I'm too busy with work/school.
4. I already like this other girl who lives on the other side of country. (Ha! reminds me a song "I wish you could meet my girlfriend. My girlfriend who lives in Canada.")

Hm, that turned out to be a shorter list than I thought. So I guess part 2 of this post is a question. What do I do when a girl falls for me? How do I let her down without breaking her heart?

Ex-

Ex. It is a powerful prefix. It signifies the end of something significant. For most people, ex- is probably not a good prefix. It comes with betrayal, or pain, or memories that you would like to erase. For some, though, it can be a blessing.

Back when I was attending grad school, no one knew of my same sex attraction except for my parents and one friend from high school. My parents and my friend, as loving and understanding as they were, just didn’t know how to approach the situation and left me feeling very alone and unloved. I desperately wanted a gay man in my life that I could be friends with. I had a strong desire to connect with someone whom I could be completely honest and who could understand my struggles. I wasn’t necessarily looking for a boyfriend or a partner, just someone who I could have an emotional connection with.

Like all closeted gay men, I took my cause to the internet. I tried to find support groups, but found nothing. I tried chat rooms, but found nothing. I tried personals, but found nothing. My problem, I thought, was that I was too picky. But I only had three things on my list and I thought there had to be someone out there with these three things: (1) must be spiritual, (2) must not do drugs (including smoking), and (3) must not drink. Concerning the first item, I did not care whether this person was Christian, like myself, or Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim. A specific religion did not matter. I just wanted them to have a belief in a power more powerful than any of us.

Finally, after way too much searching, I came across Mike (the name has been changed). Mike’s profile listed three things: (1) Buddhist, (2) Didn’t smoke, (3) Didn’t drink. Perfect!!! My new friend. I contacted Mike and we started e-mailing back and forth. Mike was pretty cool and we soon started chatting on-line. Chatting turned into phone calls. And eventually we both built up the courage to meet each other. That was one of the scariest moments, but that’s another story. Ask me later if you want to hear it.

Mike and I become friends. I love Mike’s company. He’s masculine but he’s sensitive, he’s a great listener, and he’s genuinely interested in my life. This is perfect, I think. I have a really cool friend who I can just be myself around.

Well, pretty soon after we start hanging out, Mike and I start to cuddle a little bit. Okay, cool, fine. We’re both gay, we cuddle, no big deal. Soon after that there is some hand holding, a little kissing, and a whole lot of time being spent together. All of the sudden, I have a boyfriend. Wow. That sort of just happened.

All the while that Mike and my relationship is progressing, I have this constant nagging in my mind saying, “You aren’t supposed to be doing this.” I ignore it. It’s probably just me being worried about what my friends will think. Another similar message comes, “You aren’t supposed to be in this relationship.” Again I ignore the message. I’m probably just worried about my parents disowning me. It doesn’t matter, I’m a grown man. But over and over in my mind the message persists.

I don’t want to admit to myself, but I know why the thoughts persist in my mind. I know what my parents taught me in my childhood and I know what my church teaches me on a weekly basis. My relationship was in direct contradiction to everything that I was raised to be. At this time in my life, though, I did not have faith in the teachings of my parents. I did not have a testimony in the beliefs of my church nor did I care to have one. I had never truly desired to pray to God to know if my church was true because I feared that the answer would be yes, it is true, and that I would have to abandon my hopes of finding a same sex partner to share my life with. However, as much as I feared giving up my desires for a relationship, I feared even more that I was living a lifestyle contradictory to the will of God and that my punishment in the life to come would be far worse than anything I could comprehend.

Finally, after months of internal struggle, I broke off the relationship with Mike. It was difficult. Incredibly difficult. And worst of all, I had no one to turn to. My parents wouldn’t want to know that I had been dating someone. I didn’t want my parents to know, either. I spent the next year or so in limbo. I swore off men. I didn’t date. I didn’t even want to date. My breakup was painful. I didn’t want to go through it again. I didn’t want to put someone else through it again.

I was still scared, though, and couldn’t bring myself to indulge in spiritual upliftment. Finally, about a year later, I made a decision. I could be in a same sex relationship as long as I knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that the church I was raised in, and the teachings of my childhood were not true. I decided that for a few months, I would be totally committed to finding out God’s plan. I read the scriptures every. I said prayers every day. I attended church every week and even made it to some social gatherings my church sponsored. I was completely and totally immersed in finding truth.

After one month, not too much was different, but I hadn’t determined yet that the church was not true. After two months, I still didn’t feel like I had a testimony, but things seemed to be going well enough in my life, so I kept going. Three months, four months passed. I was waiting for a defining moment to slap me across the face and say “Hey!! This is your answer.” It didn’t come. But somewhere along the way, I realized that the worst case scenario had happened…I accidentally started believing in my church.

I have wondered a few times if I ever should have contacted Mike. Should I have e-mailed him? Should I have called him? Should I have met him? Should I have dated him? Every time the answer is YES!! Ok, that might not have come across very well. I am not saying to all the gay men out there that you need to date someone in order to determine what kind of life you want to live. But Mike changed my life.

Mike spoke to me often about releasing myself and accepting who I am. I am sure I told him what a ridiculous notion that was, but looking back, I think he was right. I am still in the process of accepting who I am. But I know that I am a child a God. I am on this earth to learn, and to grow, and to be example to others. God has a plan for me.

There is a great quote that I first heard in the movie Coach Carter. It goes:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinkingso that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
A Return To Love - Marianne Williamson

I have an ex that is a blessing in my life. I will forever be grateful to him for his kindness and his understanding.

Namaste.

Perfection

One of my biggest struggles in life is to accept that I'm not perfect. For a long, long time, I was held captive by thinking, "If I can't do everything just right, then I may as well not try to do anything right." I would get so down on myself when I did something that I knew was wrong that I would just continue my wrong ways, because in my mind, hope was already lost on me.


I heard this quote recently and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I repeat it to myself multiples times each day:

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
–Confucius

Freedom Flight

I was flying across the country today, as I have done many times in the last few months, and I had a new experience. I have been bogged down lately by the stresses of work and temptations and my own shortcomings, so my hope was just to watch a good movie, eat some snacks, and forget my worries for a few hours.

First, a nice gentleman sat down next to me and started up a conversation. I am a pretty shy person and don't generally initiate or engage in long conversations with strangers, but it has been my goal lately to try to hold down decent conversations with people and be a little more outgoing. We talked about work and flying and a few other things and it was a pleasant start to the flight.

Next, I chose to watch The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. It was a decent enough movie. Nothing spectacular. I wouldn't have wanted to pay $10 to see it in a theater, but for a free movie on a plane, I can't complain.

After the movie, I only had a about an hour until we landed, so there was no point in starting a another movie. I browsed the music options available. For the last the few weeks I have been listening to the lastest Counting Crows album. I would have to say it is a pretty solid pick. But brand new on this flight was the option to listen to the new Coldplay album, Viva la Vida. I have always been a fan of Coldplay and I heard really good things about this new album, so it was an easy choice for me to make. I touch the screen for the first song to begin, and it's an instrumental piece called Life in Technicolor. It is very calm and relaxing and just makes you melt into your chair.

At the same that the song starts playing, I experience something on the plane that I have either never experienced or never realized that I was experiencing. Always on a plane, I feel like the engines are pushing us through the air. There is always a force behind the action. But all of the sudden, the engines went quiet and plane just glided through the air. We were thousands of feet off the ground, beginning a slow, gentle descent back to the earth, and this soothing Coldplay song was the chorus of our journey.

For a moment, I felt free. I felt empowered. I felt significant. I felt strength. I felt hope. I felt everything that I have been lacking for the last 5 months.

Sometimes in life, we have engines that push us. Some engines can be good. Our parents may push us to be self sufficient. Our teachers may push us to learn more than we think possible (or necessary). We may push ourselves to become more outgoing or more friendly. Other engines can be bad, though. We may have friends that push us to drink or do drugs. We may have temptations that to push us to act on feelings that we know we shouldn't. We may have a coy little engine called doubt, that pushes us to believe that we are not good enough, or strong enough, or worthy enough.

Let me encourage everyone to take a minute and turn off your engines. ALL of them, even the good ones. Take a minute to glide. And while you are gliding, ponder about what engines you want to turn back on. What forces do you want to drive you?

I know this metaphor was a little cheesy, but I hope you get the idea. If anyone takes me up on my advice, let me how it turns out for you.