Friday, November 28, 2008

Gay to the Core [of my brain]

Disclaimer: Before you read further, be aware that this is an opinionated post, substantiated by no facts, no references, and no research. Ninety-eight point seven percent of readers experience discomfort, irritation, nausea, and bloating. If you experience any of the first three symptoms, take a chill pill. If you experience bloating, I know how that feels and I extend my deepest apologies.

My dear friend Scott published a wonderful post entitled Gay to the Core on whether being gay is a choice or a "core characteristic," as he puts it. I will not go into detail on his thoughts but I would ask that you read the post as it is well thought out and presented.

I do not wish to comment on what the right or wrong answer is; the scientists and philosophers can hash that out. I believe that there is truth in bits and pieces of each argument. What I would like to discuss is the category that I believe I fall into and some specific and general reasoning.

In most circles of debate, there are two arguments presented, most commonly known as "Nature" and "Nurture." Either you made a conscious decision to be gay or you were born that way. As Scott pointed out, there is a third option: you subconsciously made the decision to be gay. This is the category that I believe I fall into. I apologize in advance for any lack of eloquence.

I have known I was attracted to men since about the age of eight or nine. Most of my friends did not "know" they were attracted to girls until about 12 or 13. I would think that if sexuality were a core characteristic, that it would manifest in a parallel time frame. (Yes, I know that argument is weak. I would be interested, though, to know if any studies have been done as to what the average age is that homosexual children and heterosexual children identify themselves as such)

From a psychological standpoint, one argument for the cause of sexuality is that a male infant needs to make an emotional connection with an adult male, generally a father, by the third year of his life. My father readily admits that he was not around much when I was a baby because he was busy finishing school and working. I carried a resentment for my father throughout my entire childhood and adolescence. I had no basis for this resentment. My father was supportive and positive. Most boys would have loved to have him as their dad.

Because my father and I did not create that bond during my infancy, I believe that I subconsciously made the choice to seek the attention and love of men. Interestingly enough, I also believe that from year 3 to approximately year 8, I had ample time to bond with my father and possibly reverse my subconscious decision, but I consciously made choices to deny the love of my father.

In addition to my subconscious decision, I do believe that there are certain inherent traits that can dispose a person to be more vulnerable to homosexuality. I have always been skinny. Because of my body type, American culture, in general, views me as less masculine. This assumption may have caused my more masculine counterparts to treat me as if I didn't belong. It may have caused the women in my life to treat me with more sensitivity than they would a masculine boy. Because the the boys don't treat me like one of the boys, but the girls treat me like one of the girls, a subconscious inclination might be to associate with female desires or aspirations.

Okay, now for the tough part. This is not meant to offend anyone, it is just a general observation. I feel like to too many people say that they were born gay without taking time to analyze their life because it is the easy way out. Because if they were born gay, you can't hold anything against them. You can't make jokes at them, you can't discriminate against them, you can't withhold love from them. It isn't their fault so you can't fault them. But what these people don't understand, is that even if they made the choice to be gay, whether it was subconscious or conscious, they probably made it at such a young age that they could not realize what the choice was or how it would effect their life.

Finally, I must say that I don't really care what the answer is. Whether Scott is completely right or I am partially right or we are all out in left field, it doesn't matter. I am gay. I am a man attracted to other men. Through my life experiences related to this attraction, I have learned patience, understanding, empathy, and perserverance, as well as the openness and desire to trust and rely on my Heavenly Father.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


I am thankful for (in no particular order)...

1) Family, especially my parents. My parents and I have butted heads on more than few occasions. But I know they are always looking out for my best interest. Their unconditional love is a source of strength in my life.

2) Friends, especially YOU (don't tell anyone else I said you were my favorite). I have some of the most amazing, loving, supportive friends. Even when we go for months without talking, we always pick up right where we left off.

3) Employment. These are tough economic times. Several of my co-workers have been laid off. I oftentimes times feel overwhelmed and dissatisfied with my requirements of my job, but I am always grateful for a consistent source of income.

(Pardon the interruption for this announcement. It is Thanksgiving Day and I have rolls to bake and good food to eat so I'm going to make the rest of these brief.

4) Music

5) Tithing (I'll follow up later with a post about this one)

6) Jesus Christ. Though I may not fully comprehend the Savior or what he has done for me, I am truly grateful for his life and his sacrifice.

7) Toilet paper

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Feel free to share your "Thankfuls" in the comment section.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

My Heart is Heavy

Before I started this blog, I debated in my own mind as to whether I would use my words for political activism. I made the decision that I wanted my message to convey love, understanding, enlightenment, hope, and goodness of the gospel, and also to make people smile along the way. It was obvious to me that the politics of life carry too much danger for misunderstanding and contention.

Over the past few months, the political climate has intensified, seemingly forcing people to choose sides and defend their positions as if it was a battle between life and death. I have been bombarded with opinions, arguments, justifications, and examples from both sides of the fence. I have received the mass e-mails. I have seen the blog posts. I have read hundreds, maybe thousands, of comments that have encompassed the world wide web.

My heart is heavy. Words of hate have been shared. Fingers of accusation have been pointed. Respect for one another, as sons and daughters of a magnificent Heavenly Father, has dissipated.

I love my friend who decided to write a discourse about why the acceptance of homosexuality is ruining the fabric of our society. I love my friend who attended a rally on Capitol Hill to support his belief that he and his same-sex partner have the right to marry. I may not agree with one or the other. I may not agree with either. But my opinion does not change the fact that I love each of them as a child of God and as my friend. No matter their convictions, or beliefs, or political stance, I love them.

Please, my friends, continue fighting for what you believe, whatever that may be. Take action. Do not back down for something that you feel so passionately about. But please, stop the personal attacks. Stop the insults. And for goodness sake, stop the exclamation points!!! Tell someone that you love them before you disagree with their stance.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Reader's Digest

Because I mentioned Reader's Digest in the previous post, I decided to check out the joke section of their website and came across this little gem. Hope it makes you laugh.


The boss placed a sign directly over the sink in the men's room at work. It had a single word on it: "Think!"
The next day when the boss went to the men's room, he saw another sign had been placed immediately above the soap dispenser. It read: "Thoap!"

Laughter, the Best Medicine

I think I stole my post title from Reader's Digest. I loved reading the real life stories humor section in that magazine.

As I have been perusing the moho blogs, a common theme among too many of them is a lack of humor. Personally, I enjoy finding humor in seemingly uneventul situations and conversations. I take a lot of pride in being aware of the awkward moments that I observe and am a part of so that I can relay those stories to my friends and cheer up someone's day. I was talking with a wonderful friend of mine tonight and was reminded of one of these awkward moments.

Back in the day, when I was completely and totally in the closet, my one and only openly gay friend asked me to go to the club where he danced (half-naked). He knew I was more than a little frieked out. When we walked in, he started introducing me to everyone by saying, "Hey guys, this is my friend, he's straight and he's mormon so hands off." So I was known as the straight mormon for the rest of the night and no guys hit on me. However, for any of you that have ever been to the gay clubs, you have probably noticed that are at least several, if not many, straight women. One of these poor girls obviously had way too many gay friends and was a bit starved for a straight man's attention. She walked right up to me and said, "Hey, you're straight right? You wanna see my boobs?" as she gripped the bottom of her shirt ready to rip off her clothing. I was more than a little shocked and all I could manage to say was, "Um, no thank you?"

Ha! If only the straight guys knew what they could get at the gay clubs, they wouldn't be so homophobic.