Sunday, January 25, 2009

I am not a struggler

Here is a list of things I struggle with:

(1) My job
(2) People with nasty habits, like biting your nails and spitting it on the an work--Who does that???
(3) Other people's driving skills (or lack thereof) skills are exceptional, by the way
(4) mama always told me I would make a terrible drug addict because I can't stand needles
(5) Seeing girls' cracks when their pants are too low
(6) Smashmouth
(7) Physics
(8) Will & Grace being gone for years now and no quality show featuring a gay character to take it's place
(9) Camping...and enjoying it
(10) Capri pants...especially the kind for men

Notice anything about that list. Or something that didn't make the list. My sexuality. I do not currently nor do I think I have ever considered myself to "struggle" with my sexuality. I think it's a little funny how many people have prayed for their homosexual feelings to be taken from them. I have never done that. Instead, when I was younger, I prayed really really hard that God would send me a really hot man for me to kiss, just to check and see. It didn't quite work out. I think God was too busy taking away your gayness. Oh, wait...looks like he didn't get to you either. Sorry.

Instead of struggling with my sexuality, I instead choose to embrace the parts of my life that have been improved because of my feelings for men. I am a great listener (because I never wanted to talk about myself). I have become much more compassionate to the "outcasts" of the world (because I was/am an outcast). I can tell my male friends when they are wearing a truly awful shirt that would act as a repellent to the opposite sex (ladies, I can help you, too...see #'s 5 and 10 above).

I just don't struggle with my sexuality. I might have a day where I debate "Oh, should I tell this person about me." Or think, "Geez, I think that guy is cute. God, can I take back my promise for about an hour?" But my sexuality is turning me into something beautiful, and confident, and powerful. And I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

New Year, New Queer

Happy New Year!! I guess it is time for me to make my New Year's resolutions. I generally try to avoid putting my resolutions in writing so that I can easily forget them and never have to wallow in the failure of not completing them. But this year, I am not only going to write them down, I going to publish them so that you all can hold me accountable.

1. Join a sports team. A few people know that I have been mulling over the idea of joining a gay soccer team. I'm still undecided on that one, but even if that doesn't happen, I have a pending invite for a volleyball team with some friends or I could start a softball team over the summer.

2. Gain 10 pounds...and keep it. Yeah, I meant what I said. I'm ultra skinny and it is near impossible for me to gain weight. But I'm going to try again. I tried to gain weight in college, and it worked for a little while. But I got sick, didn't eat for two days, lost the 8 pounds I gained, and never started my eating regime again.

3. Read a book. This probably seems really easy to all of you, but I am a "I'd rather see the movie" kind of person.

4. Don't read Twilight (or watch the movie). Enough said.

5. Compose two songs, music and lyrics.

6. Get a limited use recommend and do baptisms at the temple.

7. Do something you have never done before.

8. Take a picture of something breathtaking (a picture of yourself doesn't count!!)

9. Perform an act of service for someone else and don't let them know.

Okay, in honor of 2009, I'm stopping at #9. Wish me luck.