Reminder

Every now and again I just need a reminder of what I know. I know that God exists. I know that he loves me. I know that he loves you. I know that Christ died for all sin, including my sins. I know that I can be forgiven. I know that prayer is real and that we can speak with God on a very personal level and receive the answers and strength we seek.

To those who have given up or lost hope or feel like they are fighting a losing battle, "fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." (Isaiah 41:10)

Wow, today isn't even fast sunday...which reminds me, I'm hungry. Later.

I've been recruited by...Clint??

Okay, I admit it. I'm a little jealous. I'm a little jealous of all the moho's that gathered at Scott and Sarah's yesterday for some gay movie watching. I hope you had fun, but for my sake, just tell me it was miserable so that my jealousy can be quelled.

In order to compensate for my unavailability to fly to UT, I decided to have my own gay movie watching night. About four months ago, Clint blogged about the movie Milk. For those of you not familiar, it is about Harvey Milk, an openly gay elected official in San Francisco during the 1970's. When I first read Clint's post, I wasn't too enthralled by the power of the message. It seemed like a nice post and all, but it didn't move me to stand up and proclaim my gayness from a watchtower. But it did intrigue me enough to want to watch the movie.

After watching the movie, though, the power of the message truly comes to light. The main political battle that Milk and his supporters fought against was protecting the basic rights of homosexuals. More specifically, maintaining laws that protect an individual from losing their job solely on the basis of sexuality. Perceptions, stereotypes and myths about homosexuals were rampant among the general population. Harvey Milk knew that the best way to change how people felt about the gay population was to show every person that someone in their life they know and love is gay. And so he says:

“On this anniversary of Stonewall, I ask my gay sisters and brothers to make the commitment to fight. For themselves, for their freedom, for their country ... We will not win our rights by staying quietly in our closets ... We are coming out to fight the lies, the myths, the distortions. We are coming out to tell the truths about gays, for I am tired of the conspiracy of silence, so I'm going to talk about it. And I want you to talk about it. You must come out. Come out to your parents, your relatives.”

I have been going back and forth a lot lately as to how open I want to be with my sexuality. Some days I don't want anyone to know, other days I want to tell everyone in sight. It's pretty safe to say that I'll end up somewhere in the middle. But I do think it's important to let at least those close to me know that I am gay. Even some members of my family and close friends hold misconceptions of what it means to be gay. If I can help to cultivate understanding and tolerance, than I am more than happy to out myself to those who need that understanding.

Would you like bacon with that?

Funny moment today. I recently discovered the joy of Burger King, especially the Whopper. I stopped there for lunch today and the drive thru line was long, so I actually took the time to read the menu. Here's a little excerpt of what I read:

Whopper $2.29
Some other Burger $2.69
Another Burger $2.49
.
.
.
(and hidden in the lower left hand corner of the menu)
.
Veggie Burger $2.29
Add cheese $0.50
Add bacon $0.50

Someone in marketing must not have read over this display because I don't know anyone ordering a veggie burger with cheese and bacon.

Inside Out

My life has been hectic lately. My mind has been all over the place. But it reached a new peak this last Thursday. Around 11:00 am, during my first bathroom break of the day, I realized that I was wearing my underwear inside out. I know some guys do that on purpose, in order to get an extra day or two of mileage before having to do laundry. But I am not one of those people. I think I'm only one or two hectic levels away from forgetting to put on my pants before leaving the house. If I do that, hopefully I will have my underwear on the right way. Boy would that be embarrassing if people saw me with my underwear inside out. :)

For all of you watching GC this weekend, I hope you get something good out of it. If anything stands out, let me know.

The Peacegiver

A wonderful friend of mine gave me book for Christmas called The Peacegiver, by James L. Ferrell. (Side note: Said friend did not warn me well enough in advance that she was getting me a gift, whereby I had nothing to give her in return. I still feel bad about that one. Good thing she knows I love her.) She is a die-hard bookworm and I am not much of a reader. But if she was recommending it, than read it I shall.

It only took me about 3 months to get through the 200 page book. I'd say I made pretty good time. The first half of the book was terrible. Well, not terrible, but I wanted to pull the lead character out of the book and strangle him for being whiny. Dude, you are talking to your dead grandfather...shut up and listen to the man!!

Anyway, the last section is about the Atonement. The whiny guy, not so whiny at this point in the book, and his grandfather are witnessing the scene in the Garden of Gethsemane. It contained beautifully descriptive insights about what exactly the Savior did for us. I want to recite a few paragraphs for you of the grandfather speaking to his grandson:

"This night in Gethsemane, the Lord is taking upon himself all of the specific chains that bind and lead you captive. [...] [H]e will provide the way for you to break free [...]. Your rage, your disappointment, your despair--the Lord will overcome all tonight and forge for you a new heart--clean, pure, undefiled, free.

And he does the same for all--the addict, the abuser, the chronic complainer, those whose spirits are depressed. His struggle tonight is for all of mankind, but only because it was for each of us, individually and specifically.

[...] [P]raise be to God! [...] The Savior has withstood in the aggregate what no man has been able to withstand individually: He refused to submit to Satan's will even though he was fully subject to it. Even with all the mortal effects of our sins heaped upon and pulling at him, and with Satan and his hosts attempting to drag him down by that power to sin, the Savior was able to withstand and resist.

The captivity of sin has been broken! The Lord God Almighty has risen with healing in his wings. He stretches forth his arms to the world, feeling after them with his Holy Spirit. He comes to each of us, posing the question he posed to Jonah, pleading with us, as Abigail did, to forgive, and literally dying to give us his Spirit and the new heart he has forged that will free us from the chains of our sins. If we harden not our hearts and stiffen not our necks against him, he will facilitate the breaking of our sinful, stony hearts and will give us what Ezekiel called his new heart of flesh, saving us from all our uncleannesses. This is the miracle of Gethsemane."

I make mistakes daily. Sometimes hourly. I am so grateful to know that someone loves me so much that he was willing to perform an act of incomprehensible agony just to give me the opportunity to become clean. I think I owe it to my Savior to ensure that the opportunity is not wasted.

God in this Moment

I visited Ryan's page earlier today and noticed that he had a musician on his profile that I really like. I was going to suggest another artist to him that he might enjoy, but why limit my suggestion to one person when I can make a post out of it. I went to Youtube to find a video to post and came across a song by this artist that I had never heard before. It's amazing. And it kind moves through stages of belief that I think a lot of us go through. Without further ado, please enjoy Mr. Gavin Mikhail's God in this Moment.

Meant for Greatness

For a while, I thought I was the only one. But lately, it seems to be more and more of a common theme among us gays. Do you feel like you are meant to be something more than you are? That God has this amazing plan laid out for you. That one day people are going to look to you as a source of knowledge, or hope, or inspiration. Am I even restricting that question too much? Do straight people feel that way as well?

I have been thinking about being in that place greatness. How it might feel when I get there. What exactly "there" is. But it sort of hit me today. I am not currently there. I am here. And a very large gap exists between here and there. So now I am wondering what the gap consists of. What are the obstacles I will need to overcome and the lessons I will need to learn in order to get to where I expect to be. As much as I would like to try and convince other people that I am perfect, I do have a lot of areas that I can improve upon.

So instead of lingering on the grandiosity of what could be, I should be focusing on what I can improve upon today (and maybe tomorrow as well...a little planning never hurt). I found a nice quote by Orson Hyde:

"Remember that God, our heavenly Father, was perhaps once a child, and mortal like we ourselves, and rose step by step in the scale of progress, in the school of advancement; has moved forward and overcome, until He has arrived at the point where He now is."

Um, wow. So I guess I never really comprehended that the ultimate goal was to become a God. Hmm. That's even a little more than I had envisioned for myself. Sounds intense. I had better get started.

For all those who aren't really sure what they are meant for, here's a little song to get you motivated.

Human Capacity

Have you ever reached your limit? Have you ever gotten to point where you say, "That's it. I'm done. There is absolutely nothing else I can accomplish. I have physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally maxed out." If you could answer yes to that question, you would have been translated by now. Looks like you are still here, so read on.

We are capable of so much, more than we can fathom. Every day we become something greater than we currently are. I didn't say better, I said greater. Daily we make choices, we make mistakes, we have victories, we are filled with experiences. We build a wealth of thoughts, ideas, emotions, and knowledge and that provide the basis for future actions.

Whether at work or in our personal life, we are given or take on tasks. Many times we feel overwhelmed with the obligations that are upon us. Sometimes we fail, but we can learn from our mistakes, and when the challenge arises again we can apply what we already learned. Sometimes we succeed and very often we look back and think, "How in the world did I accomplish that." And then before you know it something even bigger and more difficult rears its head and we again are thinking, "How in the world am I going to accomplish that?"

You are a child of God. You have the best spiritual genes possible. If you were a child of Apollo, Zeus, Thor, Bacchus or one of the may other gods, you might only have limited options as to what you can become. But you are a child of God, and your possibilities are limitless.

I am not a struggler

Here is a list of things I struggle with:

(1) My job
(2) People with nasty habits, like biting your nails and spitting it on the ground...in public...in an office...at work--Who does that???
(3) Other people's driving skills (or lack thereof)...my skills are exceptional, by the way
(4) Needles...my mama always told me I would make a terrible drug addict because I can't stand needles
(5) Seeing girls' cracks when their pants are too low
(6) Smashmouth
(7) Physics
(8) Will & Grace being gone for years now and no quality show featuring a gay character to take it's place
(9) Camping...and enjoying it
(10) Capri pants...especially the kind for men

Notice anything about that list. Or something that didn't make the list. My sexuality. I do not currently nor do I think I have ever considered myself to "struggle" with my sexuality. I think it's a little funny how many people have prayed for their homosexual feelings to be taken from them. I have never done that. Instead, when I was younger, I prayed really really hard that God would send me a really hot man for me to kiss, just to check and see. It didn't quite work out. I think God was too busy taking away your gayness. Oh, wait...looks like he didn't get to you either. Sorry.

Instead of struggling with my sexuality, I instead choose to embrace the parts of my life that have been improved because of my feelings for men. I am a great listener (because I never wanted to talk about myself). I have become much more compassionate to the "outcasts" of the world (because I was/am an outcast). I can tell my male friends when they are wearing a truly awful shirt that would act as a repellent to the opposite sex (ladies, I can help you, too...see #'s 5 and 10 above).

I just don't struggle with my sexuality. I might have a day where I debate "Oh, should I tell this person about me." Or think, "Geez, I think that guy is cute. God, can I take back my promise for about an hour?" But my sexuality is turning me into something beautiful, and confident, and powerful. And I couldn't imagine it any other way.

New Year, New Queer

Happy New Year!! I guess it is time for me to make my New Year's resolutions. I generally try to avoid putting my resolutions in writing so that I can easily forget them and never have to wallow in the failure of not completing them. But this year, I am not only going to write them down, I going to publish them so that you all can hold me accountable.

1. Join a sports team. A few people know that I have been mulling over the idea of joining a gay soccer team. I'm still undecided on that one, but even if that doesn't happen, I have a pending invite for a volleyball team with some friends or I could start a softball team over the summer.

2. Gain 10 pounds...and keep it. Yeah, I meant what I said. I'm ultra skinny and it is near impossible for me to gain weight. But I'm going to try again. I tried to gain weight in college, and it worked for a little while. But I got sick, didn't eat for two days, lost the 8 pounds I gained, and never started my eating regime again.

3. Read a book. This probably seems really easy to all of you, but I am a "I'd rather see the movie" kind of person.

4. Don't read Twilight (or watch the movie). Enough said.

5. Compose two songs, music and lyrics.

6. Get a limited use recommend and do baptisms at the temple.

7. Do something you have never done before.

8. Take a picture of something breathtaking (a picture of yourself doesn't count!!)

9. Perform an act of service for someone else and don't let them know.

Okay, in honor of 2009, I'm stopping at #9. Wish me luck.