Have you ever reached your limit? Have you ever gotten to point where you say, "That's it. I'm done. There is absolutely nothing else I can accomplish. I have physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally maxed out." If you could answer yes to that question, you would have been translated by now. Looks like you are still here, so read on.
We are capable of so much, more than we can fathom. Every day we become something greater than we currently are. I didn't say better, I said greater. Daily we make choices, we make mistakes, we have victories, we are filled with experiences. We build a wealth of thoughts, ideas, emotions, and knowledge and that provide the basis for future actions.
Whether at work or in our personal life, we are given or take on tasks. Many times we feel overwhelmed with the obligations that are upon us. Sometimes we fail, but we can learn from our mistakes, and when the challenge arises again we can apply what we already learned. Sometimes we succeed and very often we look back and think, "How in the world did I accomplish that." And then before you know it something even bigger and more difficult rears its head and we again are thinking, "How in the world am I going to accomplish that?"
You are a child of God. You have the best spiritual genes possible. If you were a child of Apollo, Zeus, Thor, Bacchus or one of the may other gods, you might only have limited options as to what you can become. But you are a child of God, and your possibilities are limitless.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I am not a struggler
Here is a list of things I struggle with:
(1) My job
(2) People with nasty habits, like biting your nails and spitting it on the ground...in public...in an office...at work--Who does that???
(3) Other people's driving skills (or lack thereof)...my skills are exceptional, by the way
(4) Needles...my mama always told me I would make a terrible drug addict because I can't stand needles
(5) Seeing girls' cracks when their pants are too low
(6) Smashmouth
(7) Physics
(8) Will & Grace being gone for years now and no quality show featuring a gay character to take it's place
(9) Camping...and enjoying it
(10) Capri pants...especially the kind for men
Notice anything about that list. Or something that didn't make the list. My sexuality. I do not currently nor do I think I have ever considered myself to "struggle" with my sexuality. I think it's a little funny how many people have prayed for their homosexual feelings to be taken from them. I have never done that. Instead, when I was younger, I prayed really really hard that God would send me a really hot man for me to kiss, just to check and see. It didn't quite work out. I think God was too busy taking away your gayness. Oh, wait...looks like he didn't get to you either. Sorry.
Instead of struggling with my sexuality, I instead choose to embrace the parts of my life that have been improved because of my feelings for men. I am a great listener (because I never wanted to talk about myself). I have become much more compassionate to the "outcasts" of the world (because I was/am an outcast). I can tell my male friends when they are wearing a truly awful shirt that would act as a repellent to the opposite sex (ladies, I can help you, too...see #'s 5 and 10 above).
I just don't struggle with my sexuality. I might have a day where I debate "Oh, should I tell this person about me." Or think, "Geez, I think that guy is cute. God, can I take back my promise for about an hour?" But my sexuality is turning me into something beautiful, and confident, and powerful. And I couldn't imagine it any other way.
(1) My job
(2) People with nasty habits, like biting your nails and spitting it on the ground...in public...in an office...at work--Who does that???
(3) Other people's driving skills (or lack thereof)...my skills are exceptional, by the way
(4) Needles...my mama always told me I would make a terrible drug addict because I can't stand needles
(5) Seeing girls' cracks when their pants are too low
(6) Smashmouth
(7) Physics
(8) Will & Grace being gone for years now and no quality show featuring a gay character to take it's place
(9) Camping...and enjoying it
(10) Capri pants...especially the kind for men
Notice anything about that list. Or something that didn't make the list. My sexuality. I do not currently nor do I think I have ever considered myself to "struggle" with my sexuality. I think it's a little funny how many people have prayed for their homosexual feelings to be taken from them. I have never done that. Instead, when I was younger, I prayed really really hard that God would send me a really hot man for me to kiss, just to check and see. It didn't quite work out. I think God was too busy taking away your gayness. Oh, wait...looks like he didn't get to you either. Sorry.
Instead of struggling with my sexuality, I instead choose to embrace the parts of my life that have been improved because of my feelings for men. I am a great listener (because I never wanted to talk about myself). I have become much more compassionate to the "outcasts" of the world (because I was/am an outcast). I can tell my male friends when they are wearing a truly awful shirt that would act as a repellent to the opposite sex (ladies, I can help you, too...see #'s 5 and 10 above).
I just don't struggle with my sexuality. I might have a day where I debate "Oh, should I tell this person about me." Or think, "Geez, I think that guy is cute. God, can I take back my promise for about an hour?" But my sexuality is turning me into something beautiful, and confident, and powerful. And I couldn't imagine it any other way.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
New Year, New Queer
Happy New Year!! I guess it is time for me to make my New Year's resolutions. I generally try to avoid putting my resolutions in writing so that I can easily forget them and never have to wallow in the failure of not completing them. But this year, I am not only going to write them down, I going to publish them so that you all can hold me accountable.
1. Join a sports team. A few people know that I have been mulling over the idea of joining a gay soccer team. I'm still undecided on that one, but even if that doesn't happen, I have a pending invite for a volleyball team with some friends or I could start a softball team over the summer.
2. Gain 10 pounds...and keep it. Yeah, I meant what I said. I'm ultra skinny and it is near impossible for me to gain weight. But I'm going to try again. I tried to gain weight in college, and it worked for a little while. But I got sick, didn't eat for two days, lost the 8 pounds I gained, and never started my eating regime again.
3. Read a book. This probably seems really easy to all of you, but I am a "I'd rather see the movie" kind of person.
4. Don't read Twilight (or watch the movie). Enough said.
5. Compose two songs, music and lyrics.
6. Get a limited use recommend and do baptisms at the temple.
7. Do something you have never done before.
8. Take a picture of something breathtaking (a picture of yourself doesn't count!!)
9. Perform an act of service for someone else and don't let them know.
Okay, in honor of 2009, I'm stopping at #9. Wish me luck.
1. Join a sports team. A few people know that I have been mulling over the idea of joining a gay soccer team. I'm still undecided on that one, but even if that doesn't happen, I have a pending invite for a volleyball team with some friends or I could start a softball team over the summer.
2. Gain 10 pounds...and keep it. Yeah, I meant what I said. I'm ultra skinny and it is near impossible for me to gain weight. But I'm going to try again. I tried to gain weight in college, and it worked for a little while. But I got sick, didn't eat for two days, lost the 8 pounds I gained, and never started my eating regime again.
3. Read a book. This probably seems really easy to all of you, but I am a "I'd rather see the movie" kind of person.
4. Don't read Twilight (or watch the movie). Enough said.
5. Compose two songs, music and lyrics.
6. Get a limited use recommend and do baptisms at the temple.
7. Do something you have never done before.
8. Take a picture of something breathtaking (a picture of yourself doesn't count!!)
9. Perform an act of service for someone else and don't let them know.
Okay, in honor of 2009, I'm stopping at #9. Wish me luck.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Happy Holiday!
To all the moho's and friends of moho's and people who stumbled upon this blog accidentally and are frantically hitting the back button on their browser...Merry Christmas!!!
This could be an interesting Christmas for me. I am still fairly early in the coming out process. I have told less than ten people. But I have convinced myself to come out to at least three people over the holidays, one of which is a sibling. Scary! Although when I say "convinced," I actually mean I hope to but know that there is a good chance I will back out.
Anyway, hope you all have a great holiday!!
This could be an interesting Christmas for me. I am still fairly early in the coming out process. I have told less than ten people. But I have convinced myself to come out to at least three people over the holidays, one of which is a sibling. Scary! Although when I say "convinced," I actually mean I hope to but know that there is a good chance I will back out.
Anyway, hope you all have a great holiday!!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Quick Quote
I try to a keep a copy of the Ensign laying around the house either next to my bed, on the coffee table, or somewhere visible and accessible so that when I have a few minutes I can read an article or two. This morning I was skimming an article while eating breakfast and a few lines really jumped out at me. It is from the October 2008 Ensign and is actually a repeat of a talk given by President Harold B. Lee from the April 1973 Conference and is titled Stand Ye in Holy Places:
"You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is. You must be sure, if you would rescue the man, that you yourself are setting the example of what you would have him be. You cannot light a fire in another soul unless it is burning in your own soul."
My prayer today is to attain that burning in my soul and to attain that "higher ground" so that I can lift another if ever I am needed.
"You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is. You must be sure, if you would rescue the man, that you yourself are setting the example of what you would have him be. You cannot light a fire in another soul unless it is burning in your own soul."
My prayer today is to attain that burning in my soul and to attain that "higher ground" so that I can lift another if ever I am needed.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Gay to the Core [of my brain]
Disclaimer: Before you read further, be aware that this is an opinionated post, substantiated by no facts, no references, and no research. Ninety-eight point seven percent of readers experience discomfort, irritation, nausea, and bloating. If you experience any of the first three symptoms, take a chill pill. If you experience bloating, I know how that feels and I extend my deepest apologies.
My dear friend Scott published a wonderful post entitled Gay to the Core on whether being gay is a choice or a "core characteristic," as he puts it. I will not go into detail on his thoughts but I would ask that you read the post as it is well thought out and presented.
I do not wish to comment on what the right or wrong answer is; the scientists and philosophers can hash that out. I believe that there is truth in bits and pieces of each argument. What I would like to discuss is the category that I believe I fall into and some specific and general reasoning.
In most circles of debate, there are two arguments presented, most commonly known as "Nature" and "Nurture." Either you made a conscious decision to be gay or you were born that way. As Scott pointed out, there is a third option: you subconsciously made the decision to be gay. This is the category that I believe I fall into. I apologize in advance for any lack of eloquence.
I have known I was attracted to men since about the age of eight or nine. Most of my friends did not "know" they were attracted to girls until about 12 or 13. I would think that if sexuality were a core characteristic, that it would manifest in a parallel time frame. (Yes, I know that argument is weak. I would be interested, though, to know if any studies have been done as to what the average age is that homosexual children and heterosexual children identify themselves as such)
From a psychological standpoint, one argument for the cause of sexuality is that a male infant needs to make an emotional connection with an adult male, generally a father, by the third year of his life. My father readily admits that he was not around much when I was a baby because he was busy finishing school and working. I carried a resentment for my father throughout my entire childhood and adolescence. I had no basis for this resentment. My father was supportive and positive. Most boys would have loved to have him as their dad.
Because my father and I did not create that bond during my infancy, I believe that I subconsciously made the choice to seek the attention and love of men. Interestingly enough, I also believe that from year 3 to approximately year 8, I had ample time to bond with my father and possibly reverse my subconscious decision, but I consciously made choices to deny the love of my father.
In addition to my subconscious decision, I do believe that there are certain inherent traits that can dispose a person to be more vulnerable to homosexuality. I have always been skinny. Because of my body type, American culture, in general, views me as less masculine. This assumption may have caused my more masculine counterparts to treat me as if I didn't belong. It may have caused the women in my life to treat me with more sensitivity than they would a masculine boy. Because the the boys don't treat me like one of the boys, but the girls treat me like one of the girls, a subconscious inclination might be to associate with female desires or aspirations.
Okay, now for the tough part. This is not meant to offend anyone, it is just a general observation. I feel like to too many people say that they were born gay without taking time to analyze their life because it is the easy way out. Because if they were born gay, you can't hold anything against them. You can't make jokes at them, you can't discriminate against them, you can't withhold love from them. It isn't their fault so you can't fault them. But what these people don't understand, is that even if they made the choice to be gay, whether it was subconscious or conscious, they probably made it at such a young age that they could not realize what the choice was or how it would effect their life.
Finally, I must say that I don't really care what the answer is. Whether Scott is completely right or I am partially right or we are all out in left field, it doesn't matter. I am gay. I am a man attracted to other men. Through my life experiences related to this attraction, I have learned patience, understanding, empathy, and perserverance, as well as the openness and desire to trust and rely on my Heavenly Father.
My dear friend Scott published a wonderful post entitled Gay to the Core on whether being gay is a choice or a "core characteristic," as he puts it. I will not go into detail on his thoughts but I would ask that you read the post as it is well thought out and presented.
I do not wish to comment on what the right or wrong answer is; the scientists and philosophers can hash that out. I believe that there is truth in bits and pieces of each argument. What I would like to discuss is the category that I believe I fall into and some specific and general reasoning.
In most circles of debate, there are two arguments presented, most commonly known as "Nature" and "Nurture." Either you made a conscious decision to be gay or you were born that way. As Scott pointed out, there is a third option: you subconsciously made the decision to be gay. This is the category that I believe I fall into. I apologize in advance for any lack of eloquence.
I have known I was attracted to men since about the age of eight or nine. Most of my friends did not "know" they were attracted to girls until about 12 or 13. I would think that if sexuality were a core characteristic, that it would manifest in a parallel time frame. (Yes, I know that argument is weak. I would be interested, though, to know if any studies have been done as to what the average age is that homosexual children and heterosexual children identify themselves as such)
From a psychological standpoint, one argument for the cause of sexuality is that a male infant needs to make an emotional connection with an adult male, generally a father, by the third year of his life. My father readily admits that he was not around much when I was a baby because he was busy finishing school and working. I carried a resentment for my father throughout my entire childhood and adolescence. I had no basis for this resentment. My father was supportive and positive. Most boys would have loved to have him as their dad.
Because my father and I did not create that bond during my infancy, I believe that I subconsciously made the choice to seek the attention and love of men. Interestingly enough, I also believe that from year 3 to approximately year 8, I had ample time to bond with my father and possibly reverse my subconscious decision, but I consciously made choices to deny the love of my father.
In addition to my subconscious decision, I do believe that there are certain inherent traits that can dispose a person to be more vulnerable to homosexuality. I have always been skinny. Because of my body type, American culture, in general, views me as less masculine. This assumption may have caused my more masculine counterparts to treat me as if I didn't belong. It may have caused the women in my life to treat me with more sensitivity than they would a masculine boy. Because the the boys don't treat me like one of the boys, but the girls treat me like one of the girls, a subconscious inclination might be to associate with female desires or aspirations.
Okay, now for the tough part. This is not meant to offend anyone, it is just a general observation. I feel like to too many people say that they were born gay without taking time to analyze their life because it is the easy way out. Because if they were born gay, you can't hold anything against them. You can't make jokes at them, you can't discriminate against them, you can't withhold love from them. It isn't their fault so you can't fault them. But what these people don't understand, is that even if they made the choice to be gay, whether it was subconscious or conscious, they probably made it at such a young age that they could not realize what the choice was or how it would effect their life.
Finally, I must say that I don't really care what the answer is. Whether Scott is completely right or I am partially right or we are all out in left field, it doesn't matter. I am gay. I am a man attracted to other men. Through my life experiences related to this attraction, I have learned patience, understanding, empathy, and perserverance, as well as the openness and desire to trust and rely on my Heavenly Father.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thanksgiving
I am thankful for (in no particular order)...
1) Family, especially my parents. My parents and I have butted heads on more than few occasions. But I know they are always looking out for my best interest. Their unconditional love is a source of strength in my life.
2) Friends, especially YOU (don't tell anyone else I said you were my favorite). I have some of the most amazing, loving, supportive friends. Even when we go for months without talking, we always pick up right where we left off.
3) Employment. These are tough economic times. Several of my co-workers have been laid off. I oftentimes times feel overwhelmed and dissatisfied with my requirements of my job, but I am always grateful for a consistent source of income.
(Pardon the interruption for this announcement. It is Thanksgiving Day and I have rolls to bake and good food to eat so I'm going to make the rest of these brief.
4) Music
5) Tithing (I'll follow up later with a post about this one)
6) Jesus Christ. Though I may not fully comprehend the Savior or what he has done for me, I am truly grateful for his life and his sacrifice.
7) Toilet paper
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Feel free to share your "Thankfuls" in the comment section.
1) Family, especially my parents. My parents and I have butted heads on more than few occasions. But I know they are always looking out for my best interest. Their unconditional love is a source of strength in my life.
2) Friends, especially YOU (don't tell anyone else I said you were my favorite). I have some of the most amazing, loving, supportive friends. Even when we go for months without talking, we always pick up right where we left off.
3) Employment. These are tough economic times. Several of my co-workers have been laid off. I oftentimes times feel overwhelmed and dissatisfied with my requirements of my job, but I am always grateful for a consistent source of income.
(Pardon the interruption for this announcement. It is Thanksgiving Day and I have rolls to bake and good food to eat so I'm going to make the rest of these brief.
4) Music
5) Tithing (I'll follow up later with a post about this one)
6) Jesus Christ. Though I may not fully comprehend the Savior or what he has done for me, I am truly grateful for his life and his sacrifice.
7) Toilet paper
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Feel free to share your "Thankfuls" in the comment section.
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